Anonymous: Have you met Darkiplier?

tinyboxtim:

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Apparently, he spends most of his time down there, under the bed. I did find the sock though. I think he’s the one responsible for when a single sock goes missing from the dyer. Because I found A LOT of socks down there, not all Mark’s.

-Your little Biscuit, Tim

americansavior:

itsjustsatanthings:

cumber-bitches:

caswantsdeansassbutt:

cumber-bitches:

cumber-bitches:

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

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In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

carlyoulilshit:

oiruman:

ufoattack:

oiruman:

i am kind of sad ok

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this cat’s name is Princess Monster Truck

thank you

I

tsarcasm:

trapsical:

I took a shit in my grandma’s cat’s litterbox when I was like 13 and my whole family was wilding out trying to figure out why the cat took such a huge dump. Then they took her to the vet and we found out she has feline HIV so in a way, I helped her.

this story was wild from start to finish

dutchster:

i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing it’s fins

Anonymous: I gave my boyfriend a handjob under our table in olive garden

killer-titz:

olivegarden:

i’m calling the official president of the usa 

vulcandroid:

fishingboatproceeds:

I just want to point out one thing here: When was the last time the girl kissed the boy in a teen romance? Ever? Has it happened ever? I seriously think it might not have happened ever.

did you break any ribs sucking your own dick

hawtistic:

kaalashnikov:

if you say you support ‘a woman’s right to not shave’ you should also be:

  • supportive of women who grow hair in places other than their legs and underarms, no matter for the cause of this
  • supportive of trans women to affirm they don’t need to get rid of every body hair to qualify as feminine

or else your support is pointless really

And also supportive of trans women who need to shave in order to feel safe in the environments they live in.

hallovvwvvwvvwvvwvvween:

pr0fessah:

unpopular opinion

i hate these cookies

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Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit. You’re the reason society is crumbling. In 20 years, New York is going to be a pile of ash and dust because people like you exist. This is why I fucking hate tubmlr.

bryko:

watch his hair blatantly intersect with the lockers

© SHHNOUIS